Because of this approach, my experience of
identifying, understanding and building emotional intelligence has been on a
growth trajectory year over year of my professional life. I have improved
and self-corrected through trial and error and by practicing non-judging
self-awareness. I realize that what you choose to focus on is a choice. I am 31
years old and in the past 5 years, the evolution of my EQ has been one giant
experiment--sometimes successful and sometimes not as much. But success often
comes from failure and learning to pick oneself up and trying a new approach.
The most effective approach for me is outlined in #1 New York Times bestselling
author, Tom Rath's book, Strengths Based Leadership. I learned to consciously
choose to focus and build on natural competencies that give energy, not on my
weaknesses. A few years ago, I had the epiphany that what we put our mind on is
a choice in itself and when we focus our attention to any area, it magnifies.
It was extremely empowering to realize that we can choose what to focus our
attention on. I learned to habitually train my thoughts to build upon what
others and myself were doing well.
I wasn’t always like
this however, I used to spend my seemingly finite energy focusing on and trying
to improve weaknesses in an attempt to cover up holes. I focused on weaknesses,
which prevented me from thriving and actualizing in the world. In my teenage
years, I could barely look myself in the eyes in the mirror and suffered from
repeated negative thoughts. Like many people, I told myself that my
contribution didn’t matter and that no matter what I wasn't really good at
anything. This wasn't true but I believed it. This perception of my self caused
me to stay in fear and to stay silent in a myriad of instances when I probably
could have contributed but was focusing on the wrong part of the task, the part
of the task that I wasn’t naturally good at. Today, the inverse is true and my
internal talk is positive and my external expressions of ideas and actions are,
for the most part, constructive.
The strengths based leadership paradigm flip came for me when I actively chose
to explore my strengths and build upon them. Before this, I had never
identified my strengths and didn’t know what they were. With my first startup
in 2011, Henley Premium Vapor Ecigarettes, I had the opportunity to learn hands
on about my strengths. Startups are a great environment for self-reflection and
incremental improvement. Understanding and identifying consumer needs, product
development, creative brainstorming, vendor relations, capturing a target
markets interests, and galvanizing the publics attentions through various media
outlets were strengths that I discovered, engaged and developed. I learned that
I am not the greatest at number crunching and operations management. This
doesn’t mean that I won’t attempt to improve my quantitative methods and
spreadsheet skills but because time is limited and I want to optimize positive
change and output within an organization, it certainly won’t be my main focus.
I will leave that up to someone else who has already developed these skillsets
and is naturally more talented in math and operations management. Being aware
of what our weaknesses are is important but we don't need to know how to do
everything well.
Although I am a constant work in progress,
the approach to building my emotional intelligence through strengths based
leadership continues to impact me not only on a personal level, but has touched
many others in innumerable ways. When an organization as a whole is pulling
various individuals strengths and talents together to work towards a similar
outcome, the energy is exponentially greater than it would be if focusing on
improving weaknesses as a whole. What I am not good at you may be great at, so
let’s make sure you delve into projects that you enjoy and are inspired to add
to. You will be able to tell what these are by noticing those projects that
give you life not suck you dry, similar to what the business management
leadership assessment 5 Dynamics points out. There is more magic in the weaving
together of strengths and the tapestry unites and flows in completely new and
unimaginable ways when strengths based leadership is at the forefront of an
organization
